Five years ago I never thought I would feel her presents. I didn’t imagine I’ll be looking at here face to face. She returned via email just to say “hi, look what I found.” Of course what she found would turn my life from a beautiful— shining bright chandelier. To a shattered and dark chandelier. I had built this motivation, to only allow her to come back in and tare me into shreds. There’s an uncompromising objective to how shitty this old friend will make you feel when she just pops up out of no where. Even on the most worrisome days, there are people that can most certainly ruining your day, but not like this girl. This real eternalism would annihilate me, devour me, make me feel defeated by stabbing me in the back on two accounts. I am the only one that can bare such heavy foolery. So now I’m stuck here panicking, trying to figure out what to do next. I start over flowing my mind with thoughts. Dark thoughts.
Don’t mistake me, we did have some great times. We talked about all the ways I’d F*ed up since grammar school, and how I was so hard headed— she thought I kept a construction hat on because I did demolition. It was all imaginary, of course. But I was in a world wind. With nothing to grab on too and every irrational thought was reality. I was going fucking bananas (excuse my language) I was afraid, really afraid for the first time since I was a little boy still pissing in the bed.
When she gave me a deadline and told me I had to take care of some unfinished business. Didn’t think she “the past” would have me work so hard in this present day for what I want. The past is real and she will continue to play a major key in my life — your too as time go on. I had no recourse but to stare the past right in the eyes, too scary to even turn back. I had to make a mockery out of the past. I had to show EVERYONE that this so call unreal “past” is truly real. All points in time are equally “real”, as opposed to the presentist idea that only the present is real.
THE PAST IS ONLY VISITING!!!! -Deonte D. Wilbourn
But It is true that you can only put your pass away for so long, There would be days the past come rushing back. Memories both good and bad, help make us who we are today. Our past is a huge part of who we have become, and to try to forget our past is pretty much impossible. There will be days when we don’t think of our pasts much, and there will be days when we play memories of our pasts in our heads over and over again. We can only put the past up on the shelf for so long, sooner or later it’s like we have to revisit it, because it is a part of us, and our memories wont let us forget.
However, nothing happens without action. It’s your job to grab your life and live it through with your heart. So the next time you find yourself face-to-face with a nightmare, remind it who you are. You are brave, inventive and strong. You’ve slayed multiple task by the dozen, even when you were a kid fighting to define who you are. Tell “the past” that, soon, it will be nothing but a trophy because it’s the end of the story and he is now visiting the present: the part where I can only succeed, the part where past is the past and the present is here.